To All The Writers I’ve Loved Before

2019.06.21. To All The Writers I've Loved Before 1My dearest Disappointments,

As you all can see from the title, I’m a little disillusioned. I’d like to say the classic breakup line, that this is not your fault, but I don’t want to lie. I feel that I invested in our relationship a lot of time, energy and love, but you made a victory dance on my broken heart. Now, I try to take the high road and stay very calm. I really mean it, when I say, we still can be friends, for old day’s sake. In this spirit I’d like to start a conversation about our problems. Because you must change some things before I can believe in you again (if ever). Maybe one day when my scars are healed and I can hope again… But don’t rush to that point too soon, this is not that simple. To make it completely clear, I’d speak about my biggest disappointments, David and Dan. You guys are a great deal for me…

Our first date was simply delightful. The way you spoke about who you were, and what did you want about our future was my idea about a good partnership. You made me curious and exciting about you. That date was so good, after it I didn’t thought about searching for anybody else. To be more concrete, I was enchanted by your magic and danger and that deadly blue eyes… Even though I was a bit afraid, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. Then you told me about the Stark family and a couple of those sweet direwolf puppies… The way you introduced them to me, the family background, the details and the chemistry between them, made me love them instantly. Then the queen, a king, prince charming and a wise dwarf came along. A mysterious death, a family drama around a bastard: I live for this kind of stuff! Before you, I couldn’t imagine myself as an adrenalin addict, but you showed me the way how: no-one was safe by your side and it made me excited and thrilled. The way you spoke about politics, economics and consequences of mistakes in those fields was really sexy. The time when the sold princess came with her good old fashioned sociopath brother, a bunch of barbarians and three dragon eggs, I felt you are maybe the One…

At this point when I heard your ringtone, I dropped everything to see your scale-model collection and to speak about war and power. It felt so good that you didn’t shut out us, women from these conversations. But our relationship became serious the point when … I know, this feels odd, but when you killed Ned Stark. Normally I do not fall for that kind of things, I do not like when I feel kicked in the gut or let down. Alfred Hitchcock is an exception to a rule, but he is in a totally other league. So, despite the fact, that I was in shock, it was too late for me: I already moved in with you, to Westeros. To you… I was magnetized by the reality, the risk, the complexity and a magic of your world. Today I didn’t know how could I not see the faith of good old Ned. But you showed me how beautifully can you make real the great ideas of George R. R. Martin. But I liked your own ideas about this story, it made the waiting special. I did not know what was going to happen, where do you lead this world and characters. I felt safe in your caring hands, so falling for you was so easy.

But sadly you guys kinda forgot how to be effective and sharp instead of being frustratingly overdramatic and inconsequential. Maybe you misunderstood my needs, I don’t know, honestly… But I’d like to explain once and for all: the early surprises were impressive because if I wanted to, I could see what was going to happen. But I wanted magic! I wanted to be surprised by you again and again. I was impressed by your kingdom, the complexity of it. If you misunderstood me when I was speaking about the economics and politics, I tell you for once and for all: I was not bored, I wanted it all. I was excited about who is gonna be killed next, who is getting those castles, who is gonna be the traitor, who are loosing everything that matters, who is gonna win the great battle or the war, who is gonna make a huge mistake, who is gonna win the big game. As long as I watched them, I thought about my life, the world I live in, my mistakes, my nature. I loved the machination, the way of manipulation, the journey, even the injustice. I enjoyed having plans with you. I was pleased that finally someone is a challenge for me and have trust in me. While I was waiting for you, I was a little bit lost. In those times my mind was on the beginning full of promises, and on the thrilling story. I tried to guess, what is the next step, what adventure is waiting for me. I couldn’t wait to see you again. So nothing prepared me to the painful reality about the expiration-date of our relationship after six years of complete happiness… It was too good to be true. Then came the slow and painful steps of falling out of this love. I’ve lost hope step by step while I was giving you one chance after an other. I trusted you to fix your problems or at least you give me a good explanation about what exactly happened here.

Sadly after six years you kinda forgot the promise you made me on that first date. It felt like I’m with a total stranger. With each of every new conflict it became worst, then ever. The communication became weird, and I can even speak about those shortcomings, it’s simply too embarrassing. Not to me, to you… In the beginning you had so impressive plans about the future, but in that time all the passion was gone. The honeymoon phase was over. No magic, no sparks. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the fact that we didn’t kill anybody like we used to – just the three of us – so long time, hurts me. It used to be meant so much to us but now I feel nothing. No, it’s not exactly true: I feel nothing, but plot armor. I need a real partner, not some fake Disney happiness. Anybody can deliver that sh@t for me. Anyone can make the fairy tale. I’ve chosen the excitement of reality instead. But you took it away from me. An advise from me just for you: If you promise enchantment and romance next time, please do not make stupid decisions and act like crazy. That’s not the good kind of surprise a women wants, ok? I loved you for your brain, and you throw it out of the window? Reallly?!? I must say the timing of you leaving me was the worst, especially the way how cheap it was. You had elegance and style once, remember? But that time I felt apathy, and it was too late for us. And don’t come to me with those nostalgic feelings! Be the man, who worth to remember, not just try to manipulate me with the good old days. I mean it, when I say it to you: before the next commitment go to therapy… Just go!

Next time remember: “You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed.” Do not promise stability, respect and love if you give up after six years sooo easily! Do not waste ones time, do not rush into a relationship if you are not ready for it! If you can give joy in the beginning, do not neglect it in the end, otherwise you can give joy to yourself alone… If the beginning you can make an argument, do not insult instead in the end. If you introduce me someone and make me fall in love with them, please respect us to not ruin them into a sad and shallow version of themselves. Foreshadowing is not a story or character development, it’s not a solution of a conflict. Building is equally important. If you must explain it later, that’s not good behavior. Every relationship needs building, development and continuity. If you can’t deliver that, think about it first.

I have no words for what you did with poor Daenerys. The idea was so great, I can feel George in it. But saying she’s crazy… Oh, boy! Don’t misunderstand me, I love Tywin, Arya, Melisandre, Sansa, even Cersei. But planning the Red Wedding, feeding a father with two of his children, giving birth to a demon murderer baby or blow up the biggest religious center of that world is not crazy? Coming out of the fire without any harm with three baby dragons is not crazy? If you normalize all of this in your magic world, why on earth is crazy a woman who survived a battle, then she does not want to laugh in her deepest grieve? And from that moment everybody suddenly knows that genetics would kick in anytime? This took even her father nearly two decades, and he was captured and tortured. There were signs in his case, real signs. If a women wears no make-up or her hair is unkempt is not a sign of mental health problems. Or do you want to say something with that? Even you can’t think that’s a good point. The desire of power was there from the beginning in most of the characters, but that is not equal to craziness. And if you represent crazy, please do not explain with logic. Daenerys is just one precedent of your character murders (khm… Jon, Bran, Tyrion), your rush and your ad hoc ideas. Jons ancestry was one of the biggest questions of this story from episode one. And you make it completely irrelevant. Tyrion was an outsider, the people ignored him, mocked him, but they give the crown to Bran, when Tyrion suggests it. They have a hungry for power and they don’t even know Bran. What the actual f@ck? You have to learn a big deal about your old self, because he didn’t rushed trough the foreplay and gave time to me to prepare. And he did not turn his face to the wall after everything was done, just to dream about a galaxy far far away. You completely ruined it for me…

At last I must say, a relationship does not work if you are there only for the important moments, and not for the everyday life. The journey is equally important part of it, not just moments. And it matters not to stop speaking to each other, communicate with your partner, especially when he or she needs it. To say that we kinda forgot it is simply disgusting. When you can’t compromise, can’t solve the major issues, and your love is filled with empty promises is destroying everything good around you. If you are unique and try to be different in the beginning don’t change to the usual stuff. If I want pathos and patriotism I search for Spielberg, if I want action and blood I ask for Gibson. And if I want fairy tales Disney is the best. But I wanted you so badly and you simply forgot the main point. Next time be there, or you reach the point of no return, like you reached it with me. Right now I don’t want to even look at you, I don’t care about you and honestly I don’t know what else can I say to you to understand my pain. Trust is a fragile thing and I think I’m not alone if I say, you’ve lost mine. My heart is empty like those strategically important castles you kinda forgot. (Seriously what about the Twins, Highgarden or Harrenhall for a couple of years?) Whatever, it happened, there’s no way back to us. We can’t change our history now. What you can do is learning your past mistakes. But I’m afraid your answer is to my request: Not Today!

Sincerely, Your X

2019.06.21. To All The Writers I've Loved Before 2

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